My Last First Kiss (And other musings)

I came across this article today called "When You Want to Kiss Them" and it's been a while since I read anything that really had me engaged like that...

"There comes a time when, more than anything else in your entire life, you want to kiss a certain someone for the first time. And that moment scratches a line across your life path, dividing it into the time before you kissed them and the time after you kissed. Whenever you find yourself hovering above that line, briefly paused, your faces inches from each other, as you share the same air, conversing only with your eyes; that burning anticipation is one of the best moments we ever know. And hopefully, it’s followed by an even better moment when hesitation evaporates and you savor that first lip smack like a blissed-out love junkie."

Beautiful writing. Sometimes I wish I could relate more but then that really can't be helped. I mean, I have been infatuated lots of times but in love? I'm not really sure. People are really casual about kissing because it isn't sex and it doesn't have any consequences... some have told me it's supposed to be fun and I shouldn't obsess over who I'm kissing. I could've made out with random dudes during dates if I wanted to, you know. It's just that I never really got it into my head that I wanted it to be without someone other than a guy I cared about and not just a casual date. And no, it isn't about being a prude or not wanting intimacy. It's gotten to a point when I could live without it a while longer.

 I want to feel like that guy in the article did and know that it was a singular awesome experience. I think kissing someone is really special, it's the first step towards opening a part of yourself to the possibility of entwining lives with another person.

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.”

- Emil Ludwig

Random Thoughts vs. Cryptic Status Messages

1. If I didn't know any better I swear I was under a spell or something. I can't think straight and I think about THIS all the time.

2. I really do have to make a clear five-year plan. A definitive one. With scenarios. Ooooh, next blog entry.

3. I told my brother I was getting married in three years. He said, "NO." Hahaha! He kills me.

4. I'm going to Australia next year. Then the US the year after. Then Australia/Germany/UK or The Netherlands on 2016. Yeah, sounds like a plan. :)

5. Bought red, red lipstick which will make vampy women all over the world weep.

The Catcher in the Rye: A Look at Sad and Privileged Youth

I just finished reading J.D. Salinger's famous novel about Holden Caulfield, who I am torn to like and hate at the same time... He's not really someone you can claim is a good person or even one you would think would amount to much since all throughout the book he's too preoccupied with his own feelings of smugness and superiority over the other people he comes across with. Mostly he thinks everyone else is stupid and fake and he laughs at them, sometimes not so secretly. When asked about one thing he really liked, all he can think about is his deceased brother Allie, who died when he was young and who he sometimes converses with in his head.

Holden Caulfield seems like a nice, sensitive boy though and it's hard not to overlook his flaws when he just seems like he tries so hard to cope with the phoniness of society and the repercussions of growing up and having to live up to the expectations of his parents, teachers and peers. I liked the fact that he was a romantic though. He only wanted to have sex with people he had feelings for, or so he said. However in another instance he was fascinated with "perverted" acts that he saw people do... like spitting water in the face of the other person. It leads one to wonder when Holden would take that next step despite of his romantic notions.

In the end, he ended up in a psychiatric hospital to get psychoanalysis before he went back to school. I have to wonder if Holden Caulfield is the face of American youth back then and now (since so many people relate to him) does it mean that there are a lot of sad, cynical young Americans who are that way for what? For being privileged and too smart for their own good? Is being depressed an indication of a lofty state of mind or must the youth be enlightened and educated and molded so they can move forward and continue in their path to conformity, as the ending suggests?

Lots to think about. Will get back to you.